Let Édith Piaf say it for you.

Des yeux qui font baisser les miens,
Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche—
Voilà le portrait sans retouche
De l’homme auquel j’appartiens.

I love you you know, I love you, oui oui oui oui always oui forever and ever and ever je t'aime forever and ever and ever. You make me so happy, tu me rends si heureux oui, futur mari, mine.

Moi pour lui dans la vie,
Il me l’a dit, l’a juré pour la vie.
Et dès que je l’aperçois,
Alors je sens en moi
Mon cœur qui bat.

Mon cœur qui bat , Mon cœur qui bat , Mon cœur qui bat is only for you.

There's this song, it's dead stupid, but it's like stuck in my head an' I ain't got a fuckin' clue why likes.

It's prolly quite shit, it get's sung once by this guy, and then other guys sing it back to him, an' it goes like

There’s a tiny house (there's a tiny house)
By a tiny stream (By a tiny stream)
Where a lovely lass (Where a lovely lass)
Had a lovely dream (Had a lovely dream)
And her dream came true (And her dream came true)
Quite unexpectedly
In Gilly Gilly Ossenfeffer Katzenellen Bogen By The Sea

There's more to it than that but I can't remember it, an' I dunno why I remember it so well I just do, I remember bein' in the back of my dad's car an' hearing it, like in a little chair thing, an' that playin'. There was other songs on that tape I kinda half remember as well, like this one about a guy what had three legs an' a wood pecker an' something about a run away train... I dunno, like I remember these songs enough that it annoys me that I can't remember them proper. But I can remember the back of the car, an' like Mam and Da having a chat in the front seat. Think it's when we used to drive up North to Scotland cause I got an aunt that lives up there somewhere who occasionally sends me £20 for birthdays she thinks I've had.

Anyway this song is drivin' me bonkers at the moment. Fuckin' INSANE.

France is good other than that, but I'm missing a Stitch he was here a bit ago all curled up like a little cat then he wandered off talkin' something about landscapes I dunno. Come back Stish-cat.

Hope everyones fine :)

x x x

AKSHJGUIGVIEWajghejisgfyghdtslhjaluHauiaegJRKLEABHOI;ahglbhrwynjiobsawj!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MUNCHKIN CATS!!!!!

MUNCHKIN!!!!!!

WE NEED SIX, POSSIBLY SEVEN!!!!

LOOK AT THESE FUCKING CATS!!!!

We went for a pinic it was really good. Wasn't sunny mind but it weren't raining either. We just drank beer an' ate sausage rolls an' sweets but that's well a picnic, any foods a picnic if you eat it outdoors right? An' it was really pretty where we was as well an' me an' Pip climbed a tree an' I nearly fell cause my trainers ain't got no grip an' then I nearly fell again cause I was laughin' that hard at nearly fallin' an' then we was made to get down :(

An' Stitch an' Lindsay talked about BIRDS, oh my Lord who does that? like a proper discussion about it? I think if you get born a certian level up England you have to learn about birds as a right of passage. I know a bit about Pigeons but thats only cause JY? is fuckin' insane an' told me about 'em one lunch time.

Anyway we found this cave an' it was like do we go in? Don't we go in? Cause it was pretty narrow an' pretty dark but then Pip was like 'fuck it' an' went strollin' in an' so I had to go with him cause he might not know 37 ways to kill a dragon but I do an' my duty to protect me petit frère so of we went but then it wasn't that narrow an' it got a bit big, not like journey-to-the-center-of-the-earth huge but like umm... a really big hall way, an' Pip had a big massive torch an' we was a bit scared to turn it on at first case it highlighted some mental creature like in The Decent or like we was stepping in skeletons or giant spiders or whatever ('Or whatever', he says, nonchalantly, like he wasn't clinging just as hard with his eyes squeezed shut going jusdoitpipswitchitongetitoverwithjustdoitjustdoit XD) but we was alright it was just a bit mossy, an' Pip had brought some chalk so we done some cave drawings but to freak out anyone what sees them we did like really subtle things like one of the cavemen was on a mobile phone, another had a watch, one on roller skates hahaha it was ace.

Then we heard the other two calling us so we got ready to get out the cave but when we got out they were right there an' I don't think they expected us to be in a cave an' sorry boys but they jumped about a foot in the air it were classic an' me an' Pip kept reenacting it til Lindsay stopped the car an' made him switch wiv Stitch but like, all the way back we just had to look at each other and raise our shoulders up a little bit quickly to start pissin' ourselves laughing again but really really quietly so we didn't get in more trouble.


Aaahhh it was a good day XD

If you can’t say anything nice try not to say anything at all. Isn’t that what they tell you? Only I can’t think of anything nice to say and I can’t think of anything nasty. It’s like he did it. He managed. He’s killed me.

There’s a green and yellow-blue bruise and it itches around my neck like a hangman’s noose, and when you peer very closely you might be able to see the unique little rings that belong to my executioner. My Enemy so I’m told. And all of this over a pair of yellow shoes worn back when I was just a kid.

When I was very little I went to a swimming pool. It glittered under an artificial sun and was perfect in it’s symmetry. Everyone was wearing colour and children were screaming with laughter as their fathers scooped them up and plunged them back into the pool, they wore Orange Yellow Green bands full of air around their arms and bobbed up to the surface like apples at Halloween. There was a great purple slide that you had to climb a ladder to the stars to go down. An important looking man with a red whistle sat on a high throne and surveyed the world.

And I was with my Dad.

He put me in the paddling pool, and said for me to wait while he did some lengths. The water was cool but pleasantly so around my ankles and I watched him go to that big perfect rectangle and dive in. He swam like a shark. I so wanted to be like him, I so wanted to be like him…

I couldn’t swim. I couldn’t find the edge of the pool. I couldn’t find the surface of the water. I remember staring up, and a bird flew overhead. I swear I saw a bird.


I never went swimming again. He wouldn’t take me. After my little lungs coughed up the perfect blue and he had me changed and back in the car He was so angry with me, he was so so angry with me. I died that day and 23 years later I died again.

Only there was no Perfect Blue, Just a Grey Snake and a steady hand.

I'm so tired. I don't have my toothbrush. I think I only brought one boot. I'm on my second wind now though so I dunno when I'll actually fall over dead but I'm betting it's soon.

Aw yeah, I'm in France.

Tearful reunion at airport in which I think I went mental for five minutes snotting all over the place (Pip) while Stitch an' Lindsay nodded awkwardly at each other. Half cause I missed him, quarter cause of my fuckin' ordeal two week ago, an' then a quarter cause I'd never flown before an' I've discovered that I don't like airports. They're a bit weird huh? An' I don't like landings neither. I really don't like 'em. But like never mind done it now. I broke stitches hand prolly and the air line might forward damages to the arm of the plane on the window side...

France is really pretty what I've seen, which to be fair is the airport, the road to Lindsay's place an' his house. It's greener like, way greener. I like the country side. I like gettin' junk food for breakfast as well but I don't think Lindsay did he got a coffee an' looked at us like we disgusted him wiv our macca brekkies but like we prolly did.

I gave my girls to Claire to look after. An' the flat actually. I'm gonna miss them loads, my wee girls. But like you can't take puppies on planes can you so not much I could do. I hope they're ok. I'd call them but they ain't allowed a mobile cause they'd run up huge bills.

Had to call Mitch as well he wasn't happy. Called Spencer an' left a message wiv his sister she shouted at us an' all cause we ain't gone to see her baby. She had a little girl I can't wait to met her, she told Micky an' Spenner she were callin' her Rihanna but she were just teasing them apparently she's calling her Hanna. Hanna's a pretty name. Stitch tried calling Lee but he were at work already but he left a message with Milly just saying where we was.

I hope we all make up. Like. Ugh. Ok, so as you know Spenc and Lee were well freaked out by me an' Stitch an' they stopped speakin' to us an' basically what happened was Lee somehow thought tellin' this guy Rafferty about it, Raff is like the guy I had to fight but then I didn't cause I just wanted it over. Well Raff caught up with us an' me an' Stitch took a pretty powerful beating for it. Like really much worse than anything I ever got before but you know. Shit happens. But like... I just want us all mates again it's stupid us not talking.

I dunno, I'm really sleepy now prolly not makin' much sense. Hope you're all ok, if you want I'll do postcards.

Love ya

PG x

Alright?

Sorry for the long absence- stuff happened what was bad, but hey that was two weeks ago so what do it matter now eh?

Catch me up if there's somethin' I ought to have known about yeah? Hope you're all good though an' everyones nice an' happy.

To answer all queries; Yeah I'm Ok, Nah there's nowt to talk about, Sorry didn't mean to, Naw I didn't, Yeah cheers can you ask for mine with ice?

Christ I could do with gettin' outta London though.

Again- Sorry if I made you worry, an' yeah I'm ok.

PG

My heart is in the heather but my head is trapped in London. It's like being paralyzed. I miss him so much. I’ve never had a fall out with Spencer, an’ this isn’t even a fall out, he just walked away.

Everyone just fuckin’ walks away, they don’t even look back. An’ they take a little bit of me with them an’ they don’t even know, they don’t care. I care though. This has caused so much pain, me an’ him, it’s caused so much trouble. I thought bein’ in love would be the easiest thing in the world, natural innit? To love. But if it is then it’s natural in a way like child birth or heart attacks, or a malevolent cancer that rips through your body an’ leaves you weak an’ ready to die. I don’t regret bein’ with him, but I… I regret how much it hurts other people. I don’t want it to upset anyone, I never set out to do that, but I was hurtin’ him every day of our lives without meanin’ to do that either when I wasn’t wiv him. An’ there’s no competition, really, when it comes to Stitch an’ the rest of the known universe. It’s that thing of you don’t put your partner over your friends but people seem to forget he’s my best mate, just cause we’re together now it don’t stop him from bein’ less of a mate- Peter an’ Aidan, Stitches an’ Sweets, forever an’ ever. Always has been, it’s written in stone, in the stars, in the sand. Like breathin’, me an’ him, that’s not even romantic sentiment, that’s just fact. We don’t function without each other.

Simple things, just simple things like wakin’ up next to him, I mean, that’s just been in my life now forever. When we were little an’ we’d stop over at each others houses in little boy single beds, when I moved in with him an’ his mam I still just shared his bed, don’t think anyone in the world can fit quite so easily in a single bed like we can, when I got a double, when we moved out, we’d both stick in the middle of it. Lookin’ back ok I’m willin’ to admit yeah pretty obvious one day we’d be like we are now, but it never felt funny, just… us. It’s just us, we’ve always been just so. The most time I have ever spent with him was one year, a one year fall out that almost killed me, he disappeared from my life an’ I was so lost- who was I without Aidan Evans? I was no one. No body. A little ghost on the streets of London working three jobs to meet rent an’ getting’ beaten up every early mornin’ as I walked home. An’ that’s when I met him.

Spencer an’ Mitch, a blur of sportswear an’ bellowin’ like wild things throwin’ themselves at six lads what had me pinned, I just recall this hand, an’ thinkin’ how funny that it’s not a fist, an’ slidin’ my hand in his. He pulled me up, an’ his eyes were so blue, an’ so kind, an’ he was speakin’ but I couldn’t hear him, my ears were all full of blood. He took me back to his, an’ Mitch cleaned me up an’ Spence put me in some of his gear an’ a beer in my hand, an’ that was it, from then on, mates.

You dunno how good a guy he is, how good any of the are, you’re blind to their good points all consumed in the fights an’ the football but that’s not who he is, not my Spencer, he’s runnin’ out of pizza hut without payin’ an’ raising a little girl all on his own an’ helter skelters an’ the perfect joint an’ hot chocolate at the races.

I miss him like fire, it’s fuckin’ consumin’ me, I see him every third day, he texts me stupid quotes an’ we call each other all the time, he’s one of my very bestest best friends in the whole of the world an’ he ain’t speakin’ to me cause I couldn’t tell him I was with Stitch an’ it hurt him so bad that I didn’t think I could an’ I feel like such a fuckin’ prick.

Cause I am one. How could I not tell my Spencer, how could I not have trusted him?

Pete Fail.

God I'm gonna get so fuckin' stoned.

I’ve been a bit of a tit.

Sorry. I dunno what else to say but sorry. Sorry if I worried you, sorry if you spoke to me when I was off my face, sorry for not being straight with anyone, for back tracking, for twisting things so you didn’t know what was goin’ on, but then neither did I. Been an odd place, my head, been out of it as much as I could. Not cool. Sorry.

I’m black an’ blue, but we didn’t expect much else did we? I been proper battered, cause I wouldn’t fight back, cause I wont fight no more. I’m not a soldier. I don’t need to fight like that, it don’t benefit anyone. I left, threw daddies name about like a little coward, but it’s the only way I could think of getting out of it, done now though innit? I’m not a casual anymore.

It’ll have backlash, these things always do. I ain’t spoken to my lot yet, I dunno what their thoughts on this are. I’m sure to find out soon enough though.

So I’m still alive, bit roughed up but that’ll pass. An’ I’m out of there now, which… isn’t what I planned. I was supposed to tell my lot about me an’ the lad an’ then get chucked out, not… fuck, it’s gonna come back on me. But it won’t be a fight I start.

So sorry, if I worried you. Just… sorry. But it’s over now from my end.

HA HOW ACE IS TONIGHT GONNA BE just need to get stich then pub then jones an i am gonna get actually WATS ED NOT THAT I ACTUALLY ANIT OR THSAT LIJ  oop caps lock, nt that i ant wasted im just goone be MOWE WASUED thatn i pereviously was hha, aaah drunk type. i wll leave it fpr you to read an enjoy... haha haa. 

Yeah dony cau;ll me or nowt, gpin ravin, see you monday if i aint ded LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU EXEPT YOU. YU CAN JUST LEAVE. 

 x x x x x x x x  x x 

where is stitch btw? is the not my hou.. LOL NO ITS STARBUCKS, IGNORE, IGNOREEE!!! HAHAHA

I dunno, I got cheated on all the time but then I when out with proper nasty slaggy girls usually an' it is just one of them proper nasty slaggy things ta do, I reckon you could have at least the common decency to break the poor fucks heart first an' dump him or her before you go off shaggin' some other cunt, it's just NASTY. I got cheated on 19 times what I know about an' it's like gettin' booted in the bollocks it really is, cause not only does it leave you wivout a girlfriend what you might have thought you loved, but it's also a BRILLIANT way of makin' them insecure with their looks, personality an' sexual performance in a oner. Oh well done darlin' thank you VERY much. What's even worse is when it's wiv one of your so called mates, that's just the worst thing what can ever happen EVER I can't stand the thought of my mate's wiv me ex's after they're my ex's never mind when they're still your girlfriend, I just wanna know why they don't just cut out the middle man an' spit in my face cause they might as well if they're willin' to gob all over my feelings like that. 

An' if they do it cause they know they won't get caught that's EVEN WORSE it's fuckin' disgustin', if you don't wanna be wiv someone just FUCK OFF then an' let them find someone else, don't just betray them over an' over again cause then you ain't just a slag are you but you're also a fuckin' coward, not leavin' your sure thing, being someone's sure thing SUCKS. 

I do believe in marriage yeah, I think it's really good to have that sort of secure family unit, specially if you have kiddies, I like it, I dunno maybe cause I've been CHEATED on so fuckin' much, while marriage doesn't necessary mean that your partner won't cheat on you it is them sayin' look, I wanna be with you, an' only you, for the rest of my life, so much so I am now willin' to go onto legal obligations with you what will see me on my arse if I fuck you over, THAT'S how sure I am that I lve you, I wanna stand up in front of all my mate's an' my family an' that an' show the world what you mean it me. I dunno, to me that's still special, I know a lot of people what think it's bollocks. Lee ain't actually married to his missus an' they got three girls an' that's him an' her forever I reckon, an' they can't get married cause they don't got the time an' they don't got the money but he wants to marry her, she wants the big dress an' the cake an' that though, so they're waitin' for the girls to get a bit older so they can. Spence reckons it's the biggest waste of time in the world an' was only really needed when people didn't get a shag out of wedlock, an' Mitch wants a big family party in Italy but we always say he ain't ever gonna convince a lass inta marrying him cause he puts out on the first date haha. 

I suppose though now I'm wiv Stitch I won't get married, I know we won't have kids ever, he'd be a brilliant dad but he's got issues wiv it an' stuff. But for the record if he ever asked me to I would say yes. I'd have to get remarried to him every two months though or somethin' cause I don't think I'd ever tire of tellin' everyone just how much I love him. Oh yes it's sappy, suck it up I'm just back from a dirty weekend. 

We went to St Ives, you should go man my heart stopped in my chest it was that pretty, in fact you might not be allowed to go cause it's mine then. If I was a town I'd be St Ives it's all bright and blue an' breezy an' ice creams an' chips an' sea food an' there's the Tate an' the sand is all like it looks in post cards from Spain an' I never ever wanted to leave, I wanna live there now, me an' Stitch could live there an' every day I'd try to paint the sea but I'd never get it right, it's too beautiful to capture, an' Stitch could work on all the little pretty gardens there an' the girls could go on walks an' I wouldn't have to worry bout glass or needles in their little paws an' it be perfection, total perfection. I want that so bad. All I want is him an' the sea. 

I proper love him you know, so much, more than anythin', you ought to know that, he's my favorite. 

Haha done wiv that yeah. Sorrrry. Only not really. 

DANIEL ASHCROFT IS A FUCKIN' PERVERT!!!
AAAAAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!




Daddy: You wont spill a drop, will you my sweetheart?
me: nu uh, I'll eat it aaaall up ^__^




THATS MY BOSS!!! MY BOSS!!!

brb getting packed and ready for Hell.

 Shit I'm so sorry that was really awful of me, I'm ok, really I am, I just got a bit self indulgent for a minute just ignore me. Shouldn't sit at a desk with a mirror when I've got a nice baby shiner an' a quart of vodka yeah? Silly Pete.

Hope you're all ok, sorry if I scared you. 

PG x

For as long as I can remember I had bruises on me. Bruises from falling in the dark, bruises from men what hold little kids too hard- what hold everything too hard, from boys at school what don’t like the quiet one, to boys that don’t like the loud one, from fighting, from friends, from walking inta doors.

I’m never asked how I got them; reckon people don’t bother askin’ if it’s obvious. Fingerprints an’ handprints an’ black eyes an’ bloody noses, once I had a sovvy ring printed into my cheek for a bit, CR imprinted, like a tattoo or somethin’ an’ I hated that. I got a tattoo now on my stomach, big white jaggy scar from getting’ stabbed cause some geezer knocked up Gina, who’s like my little sister an’ I went to make sure he’d pay up his maintenance when she had it.

I don’t want no bruises anymore. Tired of it. Don’t want hit no more, don’t want no more falls, don’t want to be back in the dark.

I feel sick.

It’s not fair.

Hey all!

UM Friday, the day of… frying things I suppose. Fish suppers apparently in Stitches house, in my house… shit yeah meant a whole two days before school again D: but sometimes fish suppers, cause Stitches mam would call my mother an’ ask if it was alright for me to stay at their gaff an’ that was dead cool… waffle.

Um went to the cinema with Claire tonight, it was well good yeah I got minstrels, and I got popcorn, an’ like this GIANT thing of juice. ‘Fore that we went to Mitch’s dad’s restaurant cause its like the best in England an’ they was all lookin’ at her an’ winkin’ at me an’ that was well funny like so I reckon they got it ALL FIGURED OUT now but they don’t at all so more fool them an’ Mitch was workin’ an’ he was like “She’s a brunette Scarlett Johansson, where the FUCK are you an’ Stitch finding these girls?” an’ the temptation to say the internet was SO FUCKIN BAD but I restrained meself an’ was all coy smiles an’ what not.

Stitch came got us from the pictures WASTED as per USUAL but that was alright, an’ we took ages getting’ back to Annie’s right cause we had this well boss idea for a short film an’ all got excited planning out all the camera shots an’ the script an’ stuff, an’ Claire reckons it actually be quite cool, it’s well urban fairytale like, I really like it.

We got back in an’ my pups were goin’ pure MENTAL Christ! They’d been alone an HOUR but they was all excited I suppose cause there was a new girl an’ I reckon they miss girls an’ Claire was basically hounded forever by them an’ they was lookin’ at her like *______* haha silly puppies but it was still nice an’ the cat was all affronted but I gave him a smoosh an’ then he ran away cause that’s what kitties do an’ Stitch was tryin’ to get us to watch some film about some guy what meant a lot to Hartlepool but we weren’t havin’ none of it (Claire looked like she might be politely interested but that’s Claire, init? I had to save her) an’ so me an’ Claire drank wine (she drank a whole bottle an’ a half so fuckin’ watch it Ashcroft you got competition in this family) an’ just chatted an’ that an’ she told me about this guy what pure robbed these folk right an’ then got CAUGHT cause he went back an’ asked the woman what he robbed out on a date??? What an actual TITBOX like, hahaha, what a fool, I was rollin’ bout that for ever, cept when Stitch stole my glass an’ I was all mad an’ he was just like “Go out wiv me?” an’ then I couldn’t be mad cause it made me laugh but it did a bit make me mad…

Anyway like Claire was teachin’ me some proper ace tunes as well, like songs you just sing? She taught me this one that was well nice, like um some of the words went like

As I went down to the river to pray, studyin’ about that good ole way and who shall wear the starry crown Good Lord show me the way-

Oh sisters lets go down, let’s go down, come on down, oh sisters lets go down, down in the river to pray…

She’s got like such a pretty voice it’s pretty amazin’, like right powerful voice an’ proper just good yeah without someone all editing about the place, accurate description of my face → *____* proper amazin’ yeah… ha.

We had good chats like, it was nice, I’ve not talked properly to anyone but Stitch since like that lunchtime with Pip, people been busy like so no fault anywhere or that but it was dead good just to… talk. I dunno, I found out all bout how Leeds was an’ all bout her man Andy, he sounds really cool like I think he’ll be decent, I’m proper glad, cause like Claire you know… Claire’s one of life’s good ones yeah.

Anyway we got like through four bottles of wine, 8 cans of cider an’ a quart of gin between the three of us so as you can guess the conversation took a complete turn into a pretty powerful D&M (Drunk an’ meaningful for you squares what ain’t picked up on that term yet) an’ suffice to say ain’t MUCH she don’t know about us an’ we don’t know about her. Might be a bit shameful in the morin’ like haha, but it’s ok really cause I totally planned for that an’ there’s coco pops for brekkie an’ you can’t feel embarrassed when you’re all sittin’ about eatin’ coco pops cause that’s just foolish.

ANYWAY like Stitch want the light out an’ stuff an’ I’m talking complete shit now so hope everyone had a good Friday an’ that, catch up wiv you soon like.

PG x

Always the fucking same when the grown ups aren't around, isn't it. Like children in a classroom, soon as teacher's back is turned the erasers hit of the oddball's back.

Well I'm not seven anymore.

I am surrounded by idiotic brain dead cretins that wouldn't know how to put pen to paper to sign their own name unless they saw some "sick" video of Paris Hilton writing BOMAS 4 LYFE on a horses arse in glitter pen while Jason Donovan sucked it off. The horse I mean. Not Hilton. Even though I suppose it would be no fucking crime if you were to confuse the two.

It's not even twelve and the blood in my veins has reached boiling point- if someone doesn't fucking twig that Peter Gabriel has a major cob on then my incandescent vehement rage shall be making it's appearance post hast. Long gone are the days in which one had to hold his temper in this court run solely by jesters and clowns.

The romans may have left the colosseum, but they have left the lion untethered.

That's it, keep going, keep goading me, let's see what it brings. I dare you, I fucking dare you to push more of the little chavy bum boy's buttons, go on, keep that up and lets see what happens.

I'm not silent because I can't think of something to say- Don't you know anything about thunderstorms? Foolish little boys.

There is no one here now to stop me, no one, no one to see or be shocked by the actions of silly little Peter Gabriel, all talk no tumble, aye? We'll see. We'll fucking see. Keep it up, I swear to God I will tear through you like nothing you've ever seen...

Oh you stupid Boy. What you have to go mention Stitch for?

Tut tut.

HREY! HEEEYYYY``!!

HEY

hellko! um just a quicl updfate toooooo say thas DAJVE is drunj anf she'g masking me laugh so hsrd and i went welk hightedr on the swijngs than she dif so I WINN YAAAY we dramk bucky and blu wjd an cider an um... somefing anwy it was fun abd i done a buttrflg on her fage but it goten washd away ;_____;

mmksy wel were goig to watcg cartoons nowso byyeeeeeeeeeeeeee

P.S STISH DIDNT GO DOWB TEH SLID >:( !!!!!



EDIITES HAHA WHY IDS MY SMILLIY BEINF SICJK????